Sexual Drives and Desires
Sexual desire is about your body, mind and heart working together.
Knowing how your reproductive and sexual pleasure systems work is a start. But sex is in the head and heart too. Feeling desire for one human body as opposed to another body is itself a complex process — but the reality is that our desires are usually also about one particular person rather than another.
Chemistry and your heart.
People talk about there being "chemistry" between two people. That's because it feels like it's happening at the body level, outside of your mind and heart — but "chemistry" is really about your mind and heart weighing in on your body's sexual decision making! If you are having sex with a partner, it's good to get both your heart and mind involved. Our bodies, heart and mind are wired together and you can learn to make the most of that to get the sexual afterglow you want — and the great love life you want.
Your sexual desires and preferences are unique to you.
Patterns of arousal and desire vary from person to person. We are not all the same, and what turns one person on may be a turn off for another person. We each have unique feelings, desires and fantasies, and that's normal. And further, it's normal that these change over the course of our life and in different conditions and with different partners.
For many men and women sexual desires can be overwhelming and confusing. You may at first feel embarrassed or shy about your sexual preferences and needs. You may even feel as though your urges and desires aren't "normal" or are "weird". Because we have limited ways of learning about our own and other people's sex lives, we often stay in the dark when it comes to sex.
Get your sexual preferences clear and out of the dark.
Whether you are in a relationship — or not — and sexually active — or not — it is important to take the time to understand your own sexual needs and preferences. Who are you as a sexual being? What is erotic to you? What turns you off? What do you really enjoy? What are you NOT interested in?
Understanding your own sexual needs, preferences and desires is a process of self-discovery, but it's helpful to hear about the experiences of others, and experts.
BTW, for a good place to start, try GoAskAlice.Columbia.edu-- the link will take you right to their Q&A page on sexuality. You can get answers to your own questions about sex from experts — and also learn from the experiences of others. You'll see questions and answers you never even dreamed of asking about yourself, learn about masturbation, orgasm, fetishes, erotica and more!